Friday, August 9, 2013

Broken & Hurt

Yesterday was a hard day for me! Was it the worst day I have ever had? No absolutely not. There have been far worse days. 

I bet you now want to know why it was a hard day for me right? Well Jeremy & I decided it was best to end our relationship..

I wish I could say ending something was easy but that would be a lie. Ending something is never easy unfortunately.

I am sure by now if you have read my little blog at all you would all know that Jeremy & I use to be friends before we had decided to date. Being more then friends was something we knew was a possibility but we also knew that going over that friendship part could do harm to our friendship again if we ever decided that we needed to no longer be a couple. 

With that being said, Jeremy races nascar off road instead of on pavement plus on the side of that he always loves to race his 4 wheeler. As well he works in the race shop.. I understand that racing takes up a lot of time always keeping the car looking good & making it run to the best of its ability. I understand that is his job & something he loves just as I love my job. I would never ask him to stop doing something he loves just as I would hope he never asked me to stop being a nurse.. I am glad that his job is something that he loves & gets to enjoy every single day.

However we both was in this relationship together. To have a healthy relationship you have to have things 50/50. That means your life should involve 50 percent of your work & 50 percent of your life with your significant other with family & friends involved. To have that means you learn compromise, you learn to equal out your time, & you make time for your other half on days off work & so forth. 

Now with that said last week I did not see Jeremy except once. This week I had not seen him at all little long really spoken to him. I was not fine with this at all because he seemed to not care enough about me or his kids & seemed to care more about his damn job. 

I have always supported him in his racing & I even loved watching him race before & after we became a couple. But when he decided not to make me & his kids a priority just as he did his job was when I knew I could no longer do this no matter how hard it would be to let go & say goodbye to someone I cared very much about. 

Sadly Jeremy knows he loves his job a little more then he should & is very honest about it as well he is very honest in knowing I needed more from this then he could give me at this current moment! He even said he felt like an awful other half & awful father because he did not see me or his kids the way in which he should. 

With that being said yesterday was bitter sweet & very hard. Does a part of me still love him? Yes & I always will hold a place for him in my heart.. Can we go back to be friends right off? No absolutely not.. I need time without him, & for myself!  I can only hope that with time my heart heals & that we can go back to being friends.. I know that is what he wants but he also realizes how hurt I am! 

I know that I am going to have some good days & some bad days both! The good days will be later on while my bad days will be more so now because of the memories!  I will never be able to forget them nore do I want to but It will be better when those memories no longer make me cry & can make me smile @ the amazing times him & I had together with each other..

post signature


Janna Renee said...

One of two things are going to come of this...Either he reevaluates his priorities and comes back groveling, or he simply wasn't "the one". I can vouch, because I have been in BOTH situations. Chin up buttercup! Prince charming is out there and you may not have even met him!

Sara said...

That sounds so difficult!! You're right, you deserve more, and you'll find it. Never give up, you are wonderful :)