Why Not Yet?

Sometimes I think the hardest question for me is why not yet. Why am I not a mother yet? Why am I not married yet? Why do I not know these answers yet? Why do I get so upset over all of this?

Those questions above seem to be the hardest for me!  I don't have the answers to them & that bothers me the worst.. Did I do something wrong? Do I deserve this some how? It is hard to not always wonder these things.. 

Growing up my whole life since I was a small little girl I have always wanted to get married to a wonderful man & have children with him. I wanted that little family for us! I knew when I was a little girl that I wanted to be married young & have children young but yet here I am at 25 & I still do not have either of those..

I know you hear people say when the time is right GOD will give you both of those things but If I am being truly honest sometimes I hate when  people tell me that because it does not make it any easier or hurt any less.. 

I feel like I am being punished for reasons I do not even know & it hurts like hell if I am being honest! I try so hard to not let it bother me so much but sometimes its hard to not let it show how much it bothers me..

I love my friends & I cherish their marriages that they have found the one whom they can spend the rest of their lives with. I even love their children as my nieces & nephews. However with that being said sometimes they make me sad because I see what I am missing out on & it hurts because I know that is what I want so badly..

Even though I know I want both of those things so badly I also know I don't want to marry just anyone & have that person be a father to our children! But it still does not make it any less painful either!

I'm sorry for this little rant but I just had to get it off my chest..