Broken & Hurt

Yesterday was a hard day for me! Was it the worst day I have ever had? No absolutely not. There have been far worse days. 

I bet you now want to know why it was a hard day for me right? Well Jeremy & I decided it was best to end our relationship..

I wish I could say ending something was easy but that would be a lie. Ending something is never easy unfortunately.

I am sure by now if you have read my little blog at all you would all know that Jeremy & I use to be friends before we had decided to date. Being more then friends was something we knew was a possibility but we also knew that going over that friendship part could do harm to our friendship again if we ever decided that we needed to no longer be a couple. 

With that being said, Jeremy races nascar off road instead of on pavement plus on the side of that he always loves to race his 4 wheeler. As well he works in the race shop.. I understand that racing takes up a lot of time always keeping the car looking good & making it run to the best of its ability. I understand that is his job & something he loves just as I love my job. I would never ask him to stop doing something he loves just as I would hope he never asked me to stop being a nurse.. I am glad that his job is something that he loves & gets to enjoy every single day.

However we both was in this relationship together. To have a healthy relationship you have to have things 50/50. That means your life should involve 50 percent of your work & 50 percent of your life with your significant other with family & friends involved. To have that means you learn compromise, you learn to equal out your time, & you make time for your other half on days off work & so forth. 

Now with that said last week I did not see Jeremy except once. This week I had not seen him at all little long really spoken to him. I was not fine with this at all because he seemed to not care enough about me or his kids & seemed to care more about his damn job. 

I have always supported him in his racing & I even loved watching him race before & after we became a couple. But when he decided not to make me & his kids a priority just as he did his job was when I knew I could no longer do this no matter how hard it would be to let go & say goodbye to someone I cared very much about. 

Sadly Jeremy knows he loves his job a little more then he should & is very honest about it as well he is very honest in knowing I needed more from this then he could give me at this current moment! He even said he felt like an awful other half & awful father because he did not see me or his kids the way in which he should. 

With that being said yesterday was bitter sweet & very hard. Does a part of me still love him? Yes & I always will hold a place for him in my heart.. Can we go back to be friends right off? No absolutely not.. I need time without him, & for myself!  I can only hope that with time my heart heals & that we can go back to being friends.. I know that is what he wants but he also realizes how hurt I am! 

I know that I am going to have some good days & some bad days both! The good days will be later on while my bad days will be more so now because of the memories!  I will never be able to forget them nore do I want to but It will be better when those memories no longer make me cry & can make me smile @ the amazing times him & I had together with each other..